tequila

i'm moving!

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 18:44:43 GMT

after more than 4 years of blogdrive, i've finally decided to move on to greener pastures.

this was a great home.

but i need a better one.

thank you to all those who've been browsing and passing by. the experience wouldn't have been worthwhile without all of your thoughts. :)

drunken madness has become the Daydreaming Insomniac.

let's take this drinking session a step further! i'll see you in my new home.

rem

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 12:05:01 GMT

dreams--
life
that happens
during
sleep

dreams:
unforgettable
images
you can barely
remember

dreams?
realizations
of things
lost wanting
to be found

dreams.
you, in all
your forms, and
me
wanting
everything you.

physics 101: tug of war

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 17:26:05 GMT

i've always liked physics. but i was never really good at physics. i still consider it a miracle that i passed my physics 51 and 52 during my pre-med days. but if there was one thing that stuck it was how physics worked in tug of war. simply put, the force you exert on the ground will equal to the force you exert on the rope. so you have to push on the ground to be able to pull the rope harder.

being in a relationship is like being in a game of tug of war. constantly pulling and holding on, we have the fear of falling on the ground all bruised and dirty. the humiliation of losing. the elation of being able to stand your ground without letting the other fall. these are all motivating factors that make us hold that rope in the first place.

the rough rope cuts through the skin of your palms but you still stand there, with everything you've got. you try everything to keep that balance. you get pulled forward and with all your might, you pull back and tug your partner towards you. the entire game is all about pushing, pulling, enduring and balancing.

the game can end several ways. someone can let go and send the other tumbling down, someone call pull too hard and the other side will have no choice but to give way and fall. also, although a not so common scenario, the rope itself can break and send both of you tumbling to the ground. either way, someone will get hurt.

tug of war teaches us several things about relationships:

1. pulling too hard will give the other a reason to let go

2. letting go unexpectedly will send the other crashing to the ground

3. both of you can end up bruised

4. everything is about balance

5. pushing too hard on something else will make you pull your partner harder

6. it can end because of external (other) factors

7. when it hurts, you may be doing it wrong

8. when it hurts, it can also mean that you're doing it right

9. winning doesn't always mean getting out unscathed

10. falling doesn't always mean that you've lost

comedy

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 19:05:22 GMT

life has always had this twisted sense of humor. twisted but nonetheless ironic bordering on funny. i guess it's life's way of telling us to not take things too seriously since most things never go according to plan. i've had my share of twistedly comedic moments. and by comedy, i don't mean the slapstick type. rather, its more of the shakespearean type filled with whimsical lines and absurd circumstances. get my drift?

i had a girlfriend of more than 6 years who i left to be with someone else. after two years, this someone else also left me for someone else.

funny how life turns out.

in less than 6 weeks, i crammed all the reading materials for my board exams, overslept and had to stay at my lolo's wake for a week. i was literally panicking everyday because there was no way i could study everything in the little amount of time i had. i had called every saint and went to a lot of churches and masses because i knew only divine intervention can carry me though my board exams. God is good and i passed.

funny how life turns out.

1 Month Ago...
me: "girls like her don't really stay single for long. so i'm thinking if i should ask her out."
friend: "that would really depend on your priorities. you shouldn't even be asking yourself that question since your exams are a few weeks away and you know that you have a lot of catching up to do."
me: "yeah, i guess you're right. i just hope she knows that the only reason i haven't asked her out is because i'm reviewing."
friend: "i'm sure she knows that. and besides, if its meant to be, its meant to be."
me: "its just that girls like her don't really stay single long. and i'm just scared that i might miss out and regret not taking that shot that fate gave me."
friend: "its not really about that. see, its your career that's on the line here. and you know as well as i do that your review cannot afford any distractions."
me: "you're right. yeah. i can't afford any distractions and i really don't have that much time to spare. i'll just ask her out after my exam."

to cut the story short, i was done with my exams and learned a few days later that i passed my test. i said to myself: "i can finally ask her out." then i find out that she already has a boyfriend.

funny how life turns out.

my grandfather had a transcutaneous pacemaker inserted. a relatively simple procedure. he was discharged stable and asymptomatic. one week later, he was found dead on his bed at home. no one knew what happened since he was ok the night before. his death was a surprise.

funny how life turns out.

i've waited several years for my birthday to fall on a saturday. this year, my wait was over. unfortunately, it was the 3rd day out of my 4 day board exam. this was one of the worst birthdays i've ever had as i spent it taking tests, studying and trembling.

very funny, life. i think i'm getting the punchline now.

i guess punchlines are good as long as you're not the butt of the joke. but hey, i'm happy since i've been so drunk on the lemonade that i've been making from the lemons that life has been handing me.

i've been hanging out with my friends, spending time with my family, catching up on movies and tv series that i've missed, downloading songs i like, exercising, making new friends, reading great books and writing much. i've been enjoying every single day of this blasted existence. its my way of giving life the finger and saying: "keep the jokes coming!"

i've always loved a good comedy. :)

tremors

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 19:02:27 GMT

kilcher -- i owe you this. :)

for those who know my multiply site, i've already posted this as a blog entry. since i haven't had much to write about except for beer, getting drunk, passing out, passing the boards and my crush already having a boyfriend, i figured that this poem would be a much better read than another rant or rave about my day. i think this is one of the best poems to describe the memory of love...

Tremors
Nerisa del Carmen Guevarra

Actually, what is left
Is a vague memory that I loved you.

You sit across me
And still my arms know the depth-feel
Of you, weight-density heavier
Than this silence.

Do not worry. They will not move
Like they used to.

Instruments like Geiger counters
Do not need to be in a crack
To feel a quake.

A single tremor multiplied
Can tell the greatest of rifts
Like now.

Across you, i finally understand

The Theory of Continental Drifts:
Ages ago, we were just one island
That had forgotten its shape.

akalain mo...

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 17:26:59 GMT

Large coffee-blended drink at my favourite coffee place: 135 pesos

Freshly-baked chocolate orange muffin: 55 pesos

Pack of cigarettes: 60 pesos

Yellow highlighters: 100 pesos

Gasoline to get to where I want to go: 200-500 pesos (depending on the destination)

Seeing your name on the list of new physicians after the August 2008 examinations: Priceless.

Thank you for all your prayers, support and confidence-boosters. I couldn�t have survived this without all of you. J

Inuman na ba?

happiness is...

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 09:23:14 GMT

watching the sunset

getting free drinks

smoking during really cool weather

drinking with friends

passing an exam you didn't study for

a song you can sing to

a thought provoking movie

getting an sms from your crush

a soft-baked chocolate chip cookie

patting a dog on the head

a tasty medium-rare steak

walking through the electronics department of a mall

getting a sincere 'thank you' from someone

driving through an uncrowded road

going out of town

seeing an old friend

receiving presents when you least expect them

sitting by the beach with a fruit shake in hand

ice cream on a hot summer day

watching friends or will and grace

writing blog entries that are actually being read

taking a nice photograph

winning an odds game

any others you can suggest? :)

amnesia

Fri, 15 Aug 2008 16:53:39 GMT

something's up today
i can't quite remember what it is.
the 3rd day of my exams?

saturday... hmm, a weekend of sorts
what could it be?
all this studying seems to have liquefied my brain.

i remember now.
haha.

its my birthday...

ano ba ito?

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 14:40:15 GMT

3 days. and not a single word from you. its not that you're obliged to reply or anything. its just that you've always replied, no matter how mundane my messages were. and we had an okay conversation last sunday. i guess you have your reasons. i just find it weird that people can actually drop off the face of the earth... then again, your mysterious appearance in my life should have been enough for me to expect that you can also mysteriously disappear...

are you out of the country or there's no signal where you are?

did i do or say something wrong?

did i get too close?

i'm not what you're looking for? (then again, i never mentioned anything beyond friendship)

are your parents onto you again?

did you lose your phone?

these are only some of the reasons i can come up with aside from the 'i-don't-mean-to-be-rude-but-you-don't-really-mean-anything-to-me' reason. now, if only i can put my finger on the right one. thing is, i really don't mind if you never want to see me again. after all, we're not really anything. but i guess, i'm just the type of person that you have to be honest with. give me the cold hard truth. its okay. running away from me would just make me think that we're playing hide and seek. and i love games, you know...

something to think about:

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 08:24:43 GMT

"Love without commitment is love that takes no risks, and . . ."

"And?"

"What you risk reveals what you value."

--Polly to Helen

* taken from Episode 9 of 52 by Jeanette Winterson, Ali Smith, AM Homes and Jackie Kay