Let me give you a clear picture of what happened to me yesterday (July 11-12, 2008):

07/11

2pm: woke up, had lunch, the usual "morning" stuff. haha.

3pm-6pm: blogged, surfed, watched tv, etc.

6pm-7pm: dinner ( yes, i ate again...)

7pm: went to a nearby coffee shop, had a cup of coffee and caught up with my reading

07/12

2am: finally went home (after a whole bunch of chapters on physiology and pharmacology)

2am-3:30am: blogged and surfed again (hey, its an addiction. i can't help it.)

3:30am: decided to call it a day, needed to get some shut eye

5am: still wide awake, tossing and turning, thinking of a whole bunch of stuff (yep, those things that usually haunt you at night like life, love, the works...)

5:30am: finally got to dose off -- not yet quite in the REM stage but i knew i slept for a few...

7am: annoying little bird was chirping outside my window (felt like living in the province. this is manila for cryin' out loud!)

7:30am: still awake because of that annoying tweety bird -- noticed that the sun was already way up there

8am: decided that my sleep-wake cycle is totally f**ked up and there's no way i can sleep with all the brightness around me

8:10am: went down to have breakfast (the first one i've had in a month due my odd schedule)

9:30am: decided to go online (adik! adik! adik!)

so now, my back hurts. my head's throbbing. i'm tired. i want to get some rest but i can't. wah!

either i've had too much caffeine or someone's been thinking of me (in a not so fond way) from 5-8am!

*tequila is in CRANKY mode* 

*this was written by my high school adviser/lit teacher. this piece was taken from her collection of works called Reaching Destination Poems and the Search for Home (c 2004)

Acid
by
Nerisa del Carmen Guevara

I wish that I could feel something other than this burning in my stomach. I wanted very much to feel the emptiness of your leaving. I wanted very much to pay attention to the pain in your chest as it took you all your breath to tell me that you were leaving. My tears spilled like yours as my stomach mashed itself into my diaphragm, I wanted so much to stand to stop you but my pain made me fetal, my sadness as well but i couldn't tell the difference at that time. I looked like I wanted you to go. But you see, this pain is embarrassing so I let you leave.

Now that you are gone, I am afraid of numbess. Because there was nothing I could have done. Nothing a seltzer would have done. Now I hide behind my stomach.

Maybe while you were speaking, my heart slipped into my stomach. Maybe that was the pain I felt all along. My stomach eating my heart.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

this post is dedicated for all of us who've loved and lost at one point in time. :) as Calvin said: "That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse."

may we have more bad days than worse ones. :) 

3 -- the number of girlfriends i've had

3 -- real good friends who became my girlfriends  (haha)

6 (years) -- the longest relationship i've had

2 (years) -- the shortest

16 -- when i had my first kiss

a decade -- that i've been with someone (encompasses all 3 gfs)

1 -- fling ( i swear, isa lang talaga)

0 -- one night stands

15, 21, 25 -- dates of monthsarries

24 -- age when i found myself single

13 (months) -- since she broke my heart

4 (years) -- since i broke her heart

2 (months) -- since she's been out of my mind (finally!)

2 -- crushes who are both taken (sigh...)

1 -- crush who had just broken up with her gf (ayoko naman maging rebound)

-3 (months) -- when i can finally decide that i'm sane enough to go out on dates

the things is, these numbers aren't really anything. they just appear to be some sort of twisted timeline reminding me of the things i've done and the things that i may want to do or not do.

the concept of statistics is very abstract for me. i never really hated math. but it wasn't one of my favorite subjects either. in the same way that having written those digits above, i find it more confusing how i can summarize my lovelife by using a bunch of numbers. then again, hasn't there been this text message going around which says how math is the background for some of the most tragic stories? haha.

i wish we could just skip the problem solving and just get to the answers. arrive at the solution. the end point. (for some people: the happy ending) yeah, i know, i have low EQ. but for most people out there, aren't you tired of waiting for that answer to be revealed to you? how can you tell that this is you happy ending. or maybe this is just a stepping stone for your soon to be happy ending. haha. i guess we'll never really know until the end is there.

now let's talk about chemistry...

the early bird...

DIDN'T PARTY LAST NIGHT!!!

-from a Pepsi Max billboard along EDSA-

Tequila is currently listening to: Cebuana by UrbanDub 

Things Very Few People Know About Me:

1. i'm scared of ants and heights

2. i can go to a japanese buffet and eat just salmon sashimi the entire time

3. i've only been smoking for 2 years

4. i broke someones heart, once (and never again...)

5. someone broke my heart, once (and never again!)

6. i don't enjoy cartoons as much as i used to

7. i love getting massages and foot rubs

8. i can only sing in videoke bars when i've had a lot to drink

9. i have a fetish for cleaning my ears

10. i have the patience of a 3 year old

11. i don't understand people who can live without music

12. i have really bad (and really small) handwriting

13. i'd choose a warm bath over a cold shower anytime

14. i've never cried in any of my graduations

15. i'm willing to drive any distance provided that its worth my time

16. i go out for drives when i'm bored

17. i hate it when people take off their shoes in an airconditioned room

18. i am an insomniac

19. i've written a lot of things that i can't seem to finish so they all end up getting shelved and forgotten

20. i forget names of people a lot

i wish i could think of something better to blog about. haha.

1. If someone were to tell you they like you right now, would you care?
-- yeah, i'd care. pero depende pa kung sino e...
2. Do you still talk to the person you fell hardest for
-- yep. operative word: fell (past tense. tapos na.)
3. Where did you last sleep other than your house?
-- sa plane (over a month ago pa. haha)
4. Do you have a best friend?
-- i have best friendS
5. Do you smoke?
-- yep. i'll quit when i'm 30. pramis.
6. Do you remember what you were like a year ago?
-- absolutely. i was broken hearted and devastated. last year yun.
7. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
-- my ex. tapos sabi ko that was the last time na iiyakan ko sya.
8. Where are you right now, and how do you feel about where you are?
-- at home. bored. and tired. i wanna sleep.
9. What are you listening to?
-- Closer to You by The Wallflowers
10. When will your next kiss be?
-- no idea. i can't even remember when the last one was...
11. Where do you keep your money?
-- my wallet and between the pages of books on my shelf
12. Do you love someone right now?
-- define love. haha. but no, i'm not in love with anyone right now. teka, counted ba si carmen sa L-word? haha.
13. Do you like someone right now?
-- i like a lot of people. haha. pero boards muna. saka na ang girls.
14. Who was the last person to call you pretty?-
-- myself. haha. :)
15. Ever have a sleepover with the opposite sex?
-- oo naman. pag duty. kahit sino tinatabihan ko pag inaantok ako.
16. Where did your last hug take place?
-- sat nyt in my car. i'm not really a hugging kind of person.
17. Where were you at 3:02am?
-- at home, staring at my ceiling praying for sleep to come.
19. How do you feel about the person who texted you last?
-- haha. sister ko? humingi ako ng pera kasi naiwan ko wallet ko sa bahay.
20. Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?
-- uh-huh. :)
21. Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
-- yep. pang-DOM yung tint ng car ko e. para daw sa mga may masamang balak. 
22. Who did you last go out to eat with?
-- C2 with my ex. (friendly dinner, pramis.)
23. Do you have unlimited texts?
-- nope.
25. When is the last time you took a nap?
-- sunday afternoon in my lolo's hospital room.
26. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
-- my mom. siya na lang daw magdadala ng money sakin sa coffee shop.
27. Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
-- i used to hide them. but i've been very vocal the past few months.
28. Do you wear glasses?
-- nope. but i want to. and i used to.
29. What are you looking forward to in the next month?
-- i can't really say i'm looking forward to the board exams so my answer would have to be my birthday. (which incidentally falls on the 3rd day of my exams)
30. The way to win your heart?
-- honesty.
31. how was your weekend?
-- boring...
32. Are you dating the last person you kissed?
-- nope.
33. What are you like when you're drunk?
-- i vomit a lot. haha. the wonders of allergies...
34. The last person you fought with?
-- i can't remember...
35. What were you doing last night at 10pm?
-- sitting inside a coffee shop reading high-yield principles of internal medicine
36. How long is your hair?
-- short. and i'm due for a haircut.
37. Last text message received?
-- a forwarded joke.
38. Name what's on your mind right now?
-- boards! boards! boards!
39. What were you last listening to?
-- before Closer to You? i guess it was Forget her by Jeff Buckley
40. When was the last time you sang out loud?
-- a few seconds ago. kebs kung out of tune. :)
41. What do you really want right now?
-- a big fat juicy steak that still bleeds when you cut it...
42. When was the last time you got yelled at?
-- i can't remember this one too
43. Who do you really want to see right now?
-- my friends and my crushies. haha.
44. Are you a player?
-- no. never. but i've had several lapses in judgement...
45. Who was the last person you slept in a bed with?
-- counted ba laptop ko? i gave her a name. haha. oo, babae ang laptop ko. :)

whew! that was long. but it was fun. yes, i'm that bored. life has become a monotony of enzymes, drugs, diseases, symptoms and medical jargon that i think i'm flippin' out. i need a real break. seriously. :)

eto po ang epitome ng wasak. haha. after several shots of god knows what and few bottles of beer, i always end up flushed, tachycardic and edematous (regardless of the anti-histamines i prophylactically take before my drinking spree). and yes, i need a haircut. :) mas maayos ako in person, i swear...

i've been single for a year

the first time since high school

what did that song say again?

yeah, i remember:

"i'm putting my heart back together..."

let's celebrate. :)

You are gone. And so is the I when I was with you.

Just like everything we were:

the starbucks we used to study in,
the vietnamese place we loved,
the apartment we lived in.

Compacted and stowed away

Everything has been engulfed by time

and eaten away by my unconscious

the stories, the songs, the love -- all forgotten

To be remembered every once in a while

but never relived nor regaled. not by me.

fade. fading. faded.

finally.

In lieu of a better post, i've decided that its about time i finally came up with a top 10 listing of something of significance (to myself, that is).

MY TOP 10 MOVING ON SONGS:

10. Go On Girl - Ne-Yo

9.  Better In Time - Leona Lewis 

8. Remember the Moments - D'Sound

7.Gotta Get Through This - Daniel Bedingfield

6. Let Go - Frou Frou

5. Doin' Just Fine - Boyz 2 Men 

4. Best Deceptions - Dashboard Confessional

3. The Fighting Is Over - UrbanDub

2.  It Ends Tonight - All American Rejects

1. Over You - Daughtry

*I'd gladly send you an mp3 of any or all of the songs. just let me know and leave at least a way for me to contact you and we can figure out the details. ;)